Looking back on my years of working with couples and individuals particularly after an affair, one of the most common questions that arises is: WHY do people cheat on their partner?
People often think that cheating occurs because there is a problem, real or perceived, within the relationship. They may blame it on bad communication, or no communication, within the relationship (“my partner doesn’t understand me!”); or there is temptation – and then there is giving in to temptation.
Although I sometimes suspect that all too often, people cheat on their partner because of alcohol and a lowering of impulse control. There is a definite increase in this type of client following the festivities of the Christmas and New Year period!
Signs of Cheating
Here are some signs you may have noticed, if you suspect that your partner is cheating on you:
- a higher than normal credit card bill;
- your partner working longer hours than normal;
- odd or unexplained ATM withdrawals;
- high mobile phone bills;
- high home phone charges;
- sudden change or improvement in appearance;
- the deleting of all internet activity;
- phone calls being made at all times of the day;
- starting a new hobby suddenly;
- starting arguments out of the blue as an excuse to leave the house.
This is not a definitive list, merely a few common signs.
When you find out out that your partner has been cheating on you, you will likely experience feelings of anger, disturbance in your sleep patterns, and feelings of being betrayed. Rest assured, these are all very normal; and that you will get through this.
Although dealing with a cheating partner is very difficult, it is not always a marital deal breaker; it can be worked through. Healing after infidelity is not a quick process; wounds take time to heal; so be patient with the process and yourself, and don’t panic.
Remember that healing will not take a straight trajectory, it will be zigzagged or up and down. Ask questions of your partner and expect answers.
Lastly, after asking the questions ask yourself: “Did that help?”. If it didn’t, then don’t ask any more.
Seek help from a relationship or couples therapist trained in these issues, preferably as a couple, but if not, seeing a counsellor on your own is still a good idea.
I am experienced in helping people like you to work through the aftermath of when their partner has been caught cheating, so please feel free to make an appointment to see me soon.
David is a Clinical Psychologist, with a wealth of experience in providing couples therapy. He strives to provide a safe environment for his clients to explore their issues and, with assistance, develop new techniques which will help them change their unproductive behaviours. The aim is to have a happier life that assists people reach their relationship, personal and life goals.
To make an appointment with Dr David Wells Psychologist, try Online Booking. Alternatively, you can call Vision Psychology Brisbane on (07) 3088 5422.